Day 6

Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

 

The hardest thing that I have ever experienced is losing our first baby.  Eleven years ago today, on July 25, 2001, Eric had to rush me to the emergency room and I miscarried our first baby at 12 1/2 weeks.  It is the scariest thing that I have ever gone through. I didn't understand why I was losing my baby. I thought that I had done something wrong and I had caused it. It was a difficult time for me. The most comforting thing that someone said to me was "God thought that that baby was better in heaven with Him!"  The doctors didn't know what had caused it. They said that sometimes it just happens. 

I don't know if any of you have read Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo.  It is the story of a four year old little boy, Colton, who has a near death experience during an emergency surgery. He goes to Heaven. After his surgery, he starts telling wonderful stories about what he experienced.  Among those stories, was how he met his sister in Heaven. This sister was a baby that his mom had miscarried! I just bawled my eyes out when I read this and am choked up now.  I have peace knowing that I will someday see my son or daughter again!

I have had several friends that have lost babies or even several babies. I often wondered how they had the strength to go on and try again for another baby! I was terrified of it all happening again, when Eric and I decided to try to get pregnant. Our first baby was not planned, but totally welcome! It just ended up not being God's plans for our lives at that time!  I realized that God was in control and He knew what would happen with our child. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was so scared, but right from the beginning, I knew that everything was going to be ok!  Her pregnancy felt so different from the last time! 

Even though losing my baby was the hardest thing that I have ever gone through, it just strengthened the love that Eric and I had for each other!  For two days that I spent in the hospital, Eric was by my side. My mom and dad said that it proved to them how much he really loved me!

Now, I am super blessed to have two beautiful children, a son and a daughter!